Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Monday, September 29, 2014
I wish I could say that I have a lot of cool stories for you guys.
But unfortunately, that isn't the case.
I don't know.
I seriously don't know what happened.
I guess mid 2013 and 2014 has been a very weird, confusing and really hard for me.
Faced with so many rejections, and doors kept being slammed in my face over and over again.
I'm at this point where I can't see where I'm going anymore and I'm just speeding headfirst to the unknown.
If you've seen this movie, 'Rachel Getting Married', there's this scene where the character played by Anne Hathaway just crashes in the wood because she doesn't know where to turn.
It almost seems like neither left nor right is the correct way.
And the only possible way for her to go is straight up.
I feel a lot like that lately.
I guess, I'm at the bottom of my life right now and it hurt so, so bad.
But life has to go on, whether I'm at the bottom or not. It has to move on.
There were times when I questioned things like maybe I'm on the brink and it's easier to just give up after all.
this is my life. Like it or not, life has to move on and this one is the one that I got.
What else could I do, I sure as hell can't control all of this.
Having said that,
I'm pretty hopeful.
Because hope is all I have, quite honestly.
I am being tested.
And all I can do is to be patient.
Monday, June 16, 2014
I miss you.
I really miss you. So much.
I wish I had the words to describe my feelings but
none of them could justify what I'm going through right now.
Please know that you've been in and out of my mind
for the longest of time.
From the first time I've known you in fact.
My feelings for you cannot be erased that easily.
But despite that, it's getting weaker and weaker everyday.
Just like how the sands on the beach were carried away by the waves.
Bit by bit, I'm starting to forget you.
Little by little, you're not there anymore.
I know I have to move on.
I know that.
And I think I am. Just not at the speed that anyone would expect.
Hence why the remnants of our past together,
all the bits and pieces bringing me back to you.
Some were coming back to me.
You left a big hole in me.
I don't know how to fix that.
If you could see what I have inside my heart for you.
I waited for you.
I patiently did.
If you could only see how I feel.
If only you could see.
If only you could see, me.
But you can't see me.
You refused me.
I was hurt.
We both were.
So I left.
Just like that I left.
And you let me.
You let me leave.
And I have nowhere else to go but to drift away.
Maybe it's not you but it's me.
And maybe we were just not meant to be.
But this hole that you left inside of me.
I don't think it can be fixed by just anyone.
My heart is strong, I don't doubt that.
I know I'm gonna pull through.
My heart, it was never yours to begin with.
It was mine.
I miss you.
But most of all, I miss me.
I wish that you read this, so that you understand what you have done.
So you can see...
Posted via Blogaway
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Music: Johann Strauss II - The Blue Danube Waltz
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Music: In a sky full of people, only some want to fly. Isn't that crazy?
I'm in a deep thinking mode right now, with all that's been happening in Malaysia lately.
There are a few headlines that I would say, might be of concern to the public.
And I trust that these are the only things that people have been talking about.
Here's some of it:
- The missing Malaysia Airlines jetliner, Flight MH370.
- The death of 6 music festival goers caused by drug OD.
- The by-elections in Kajang and Balingian.
But since I'm no political expert, I'm not even gonna delve into that last topic on the list.
There are of course better references and sources for that out there.
The missing aircraft, MH370.
Now this has raised 1001 questions over what exactly could have happened to it.
It's a puzzle especially to experts as to how it could disappear without a trace,
and what's more important to me is...
Are the passengers and crew alright?
There are of course countless theories and speculations on the internet.
But I don't want to indulge in those because in the end, theories are only as good as theories are until some solid evidence can prove it wrong.
Unfortunately I have no theories of my own.
And the rest of the world might think that this is like some kind of a bad B-rated movie with a bad plot.
I assure you, we Malaysians are deeply concerned.
This could either end very well or in tragedy.
I'm really hoping it to end in a good way, with no casualties.
Regarding the death of the six festival music attendees due to meth overdose,
I have no comment on the matter.
Enough to know that people are taking notice on the problem.
I mean, I know that there are some way more hardcore rock concerts/gigs out there that were drugs and alcohol free...
And in the end, it all depends on the individual, doesn't it?
But please, I have no intention of disgracing anyone.
Because I know they have families.
Enough with the dissing.
Instead why don't we all discuss ways to prevent this from spreading.
Because this could happen to anyone.
Just because it doesn't happen to your family now,
it doesn't mean it can't happen in the future.
Now there's something (scary) to think about...
Call me old fashioned,
but never in a million years would I thought drugs were cool.
Kids, don't take drugs.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Music: As the world falls apart around us, all we can do is hold on, hold on...
I've been having a very 'Samurai-ny' weekend, watching and reading Rurouni Kenshin related stuff.
I can't put into words how much I love it.
I started to follow this series when I was fifteen.
It was showing every Saturday morning on the tv and like every normal kids who loves anime do, I was hooked.
I love every character especially Kenshin and Kaoru. Yes. I am a romantic at heart.
I just can't help it.
On my most loved anime/manga couple list, they are at the very very top.
I must admit though that this series, particularly Kenshin's character, must be the most depressing in the history of manga/anime-hood.
I mean, if you've seen Reflection OVA... with that ending.
His life is so frigging sad and depressing from start to end...
I have one burning question that I can't seem to find the answer to.
What about her?
Well, I can't decide whether I hate or don't hate her.
I mean, I'm all about Kenshin Kaoru pairing, and I love Kaoru to bits you have no idea.
Before y'all preach me about the importance of her existence for Kenshin's actions in his future, let me make one thing clear.
It's not like I hate her for being Kenshin's first love, but I hate her because I don't have anything to hate her for.
Tomoe just got caught up in the middle of all the chaos. It's not her fault, I know that.
But that's also the reason why I don't like her very much.
I'm a terrible person, I know.
It's just that I was introduced to Kaoru first, I get to know her and love her character and only learned about Tomoe and Kenshin's history later in the series so I feel bad for Kaoru.
I think I just found my revelation about Tomoe.
I feel bad for Kaoru, that's all.
Ahah! I don't really hate Tomoe. Not at all.
Mygad! It's so hard to be an Otaku.
Not that I want to be one, mind you! I just love this series.
Now I really want to hit Kenshin in the head for making me say 'otaku' and turning me into such a big dork of a fangirl.
Megumi was right, Kenshin is sorta bad for the heart.
Anyway, come August this year the new Rurouni Kenshin live action movie will be out!
Sessha cannot wait, de gozaru! (Well done, way to butcher the english language)
Friday, October 25, 2013
Should this life sometime deceive you,
Don't be sad or mad at it!
On a gloomy day, submit:
Trust - fair day will come, why grieve you?
Heart lives in the future, so
What if gloom pervade the present?
All is fleeting, all will go;
What is gone will then be pleasant.
- Alexander Pushkin, 1825
Brighter days will come.
and most importantly,
Friday, September 20, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Current music: It's more than you, and it's more than I, but it's more.
Is it possible to die of a broken heart?
Because I think I might soon.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Currently listening to: "Only love can bring the rain. That falls like tears. From on high."