Should this life sometime deceive you...

Should this life sometime deceive you, 
Don't be sad or mad at it! 
On a gloomy day, submit: 
Trust - fair day will come, why grieve you? 
Heart lives in the future, so 
What if gloom pervade the present? 
All is fleeting, all will go; 
What is gone will then be pleasant. 

                                                                  - Alexander Pushkin, 1825


Brighter days will come. 

Have faith,
and most importantly,

trust.

:)
 

We're just two lost souls

Hey! 

So a few days ago, I recorded a cover of Pink Floyd's Wish you were here song. 

I totally love this song because it rocks! Definitely one of my all time favorites.

It was also fun and easy to play on the guitar.

And I just gotta make a cover, thus ruining it...

I guess? 

Sorry! :/  

Anyway I still don't have a mic and the sound was pretty lousy. 

Sorry about that too! :/

You can't fix what's not broken yet.

Current music: It's more than you, and it's more than I, but it's more.

Is it possible to die of a broken heart?
Because I think I might soon.

I wish that there's a user manual somewhere out there to show me how to reset all feelings. I wanna forget. Towards certain things... well things mostly. Or someone. I just don't want to remember anymore. 

Sometimes I think I got issues. 

Because I'm just so keen of holding on to things (or someone) for far too long when I know that it (or that somebody) is far too lost to be saved. And along the way I'm hurting more and more, getting depressed, sad, lonely, angry, confused and just all around messed up. But God knows how much I like him. I mean, I… don’t know what I mean! One minute I’m so in love and the next minute I’m full of hate and I just can’t function like I’m supposed to whenever it comes to that person! And I don’t even know what we are. And what I should do with all these feels because I’m sure as hell can’t throw it at him. I reckon that he would not know how to deal with it and will keep on pretending, playing along with whatever the hell we are as if it’s nothing. Because I can see it. His heart is not true. I’m so sick of being played on and on and over again. It’s like a loop, recursive endless place where I’m in. Trying to get the hell out. Leave. But I don’t know how. And I wish that something could just tell me what to do. A sign, signal, warning… anything!

 

And the worst thing out of all this is that I have a tendency to be so damn imaginative and started to play out scenes and make-believe about things that I’m not even sure whether is truthful or not. Because regardless of how much my heart wanted it to be so, his heart is not true. And I could get hurt seriously bad.

I don’t want this anymore. Whatever ‘this’ is. I don’t want it. 

Not anymore.

But…

Letting go is so damn hard to do. 

God, have mercy on me.

 

Of knights and nightmares

Currently listening to: "Only love can bring the rain. That falls like tears. From on high."

Sometimes I hate my own voice. I’ve always think that it’s too tiny and sharp and high and somewhat annoying. You know, almost identical to the sound of mice. A friend of mine actually said that my voice sounded like Mickey Mouse once too. We always talked on the phone and so I guess my voice annoyed her one day so she said it. I was positive though she didn’t mean to be hateful or anything, in fact I do agree with her. That I sounded like Mickey Mouse.

Maybe that’s one of the reason's why I don’t talk much. Hah!

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m home! Yippie yay! I really really am glad to be back home and be with the family again. 

Now, the next challenge is to find a job. And maybe, in shaa Allah settle down?

Oh. I forgot. 

I don’t think he exist. This mythical knight in shining armor riding on a white horse. 

That ‘supposedly’ guy of mine.

Because he’s stuck somewhere in the middle ages still.

Finding a job however, is both a nightmare and daymare! But mom said, you cannot rush and force things to happen. It doesn’t work that way. IF it will happen, it WILL happen. By God’s will. I just have to keep on trying and have some faith. 

Then again, nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy.

Am I right, or am I right? :)

Keep calm and carry on.

Currently listening to: "we can't help but feel that something has been lost"

There's something in the air that reminded me of Bintulu. It's that smell of something that's constantly burning mixed with chems... Yes folks, it's that time of the year again, the hazing season.

Anyway the car finally broke down and I have to take the bus to UPM. Boy, you have no idea how tiring it was.

I really love the journey but I don't like the waiting. Believe me when I said that if I don't have to wait so much, I would prefer to use the public transportation.

In this life it seems like all we ever do is wait. And after that we wait some more. And wait and wait and wait.

But whatever right? We have to move on.

No matter how.

 

Faith

Currently listening to:  Something's wrong, something's wrong, when it all remains the same. So  face the fire, come into your name.

There was a fire today in Sibu. It hit one of Sibu's oldest, original kampung melayu Sarawak. I was very sad about it. I may not be one of the residence but I always pass by the area that it would seem strange not being able to see it as it is. As if something is missing, not whole like it was supposed to. I hope that the people will lend help because they do really need it. I wish I could help too though. But wishing alone is not enough. I don't know what to do except saying my prayers on those affected by this tragedy. Be strong.

By the way, I will be finishing up my studies hopefully by this week. Tomorrow I will sit for my very last final exam paper ever. This is it... all of what I've been struggling for will end tomorrow. All that's left is for me to wait for my thesis to be approved and bind it for good. For good...

But, what will I be after this? That question has been bothering me a lot for the past couple of months. Honestly, I don't know. I really don't know. 

...

All I know is that I wanna close this chapter of my life with nothing but pleasant thoughts and feelings. All the people I've met and learned to love, hopefully will remember me as I remembered them. 

I could literally break down and cry while typing all these words. Please excuse me. 

For good.

This time it's for good...

"The boy has gone, let's grieve and let him go.
He left at dawn, but it's a new day don't you know?"

A new journey awaits...
In shaa Allah.
Have faith Nora dear.
His plan is always the best.

Better be quiet now... or not?

Currently... : contemplating on, a bunch of stuff.  

Currently listening to: But I better be quiet now, I'm tired of wasting my breath... Carrying on and getting upset.


Life is funny. And weird. And overbearingly hard. And sad. And fast. And...

YES! Life is anything you ought it to be I guess. And mine was just as awful or beautiful as yours. I said life is funny because, sometimes you get what you don't want, don't deserve or something that you don't need. But throughout all of that, somehow some way, it turns out that all of those that you thought you don't want, deserve or need are actually given to you by the universe because, well because you do need them, and you do want and deserve them, in a way that is hard to explain. I'm not sure if any of you readers are getting it, but I leave it to you to interpret it. 

Everyone has their own story to tell, and that's probably why I don't really tell my story to others a lot. I'd rather listen to others and trying to focus on their stories instead. I used to feel as if my story doesn't matter much and I try to keep it to myself so I don't care if people doesn't wanna know about me at all. But it's tough. In a sense that after quite some time of this 'abandonment' of your own feelings and thoughts, you feel a bit lonely when nobody cares and tries to understand you back, only because you are so used to being the one who cares. Yea, I don't talk much about myself. And people don't really bother to know about me too.

Putting all of those aside, I am so relieved that I get to overcome a what I would describe as one of the biggest setback I've ever face during my uni life ever. All thanks to a friend of mine. I believe that I could never tell it in a way that you could also feel what we felt. I'm just glad she was there and it's alright now. You have no idea how much I've cried over it. To cut the story short, I was gonna have to extend my study just because of this one subject that the both of us failed to register. After much deliberation, at last we've managed to settled it. And I'm forever grateful to everyone who has helped us. Thank you.

Talking about extending studies, I'm no stranger to it. Although I've never been extending anything during studying per se, I did however took two years break before I continue my degree. Please note that I don't actually have to tell you about this, but sometimes I do wanna explain myself.

I was suppose to continue my degree right after I finish my diploma. But halfway through it, I got sick. I got really sick and I almost didn't finish my diploma as well. But I hang on and I was able to graduate after all. It took me two years to heal, and I am still not quite fully recover from it, no, I guess not even now. I still have it and I am certain that I could never recover, and be normal. Even the doctors said that there is no cure. Don't worry, I've accepted it as my fate and maybe it's a story that I shall tell you another day. Yes. Appreciate your health guys. Don't take it for granted.

What I'm trying to say is, stories are important. It exists because we are living it. Life is in a way, stories, narrated by ourselves. Who you choose to tell it to is up to you. But know that, sometimes it is nice to have someone asking you, 'Are you ok?' and 'How do you feel?' once in a while. So try to care a bit. Trust me, they will appreciate it.

Hark!

Current location: ...somewhere... over the rainbow!

Current music: "I'd love this world before it implodes"

You know what? I just realized that if I'm an activist, I would be a very bad one. A very very very bad one. That's because I can't be adamant. I simply can't. I listen to reason. I never take sides. And sometimes, I have poor judgment. Concerning issues regarding a lot of things, I am almost always on the fence. Maybe it's fear, or maybe it's ignorance, naivety, call it whatever. To be honest, I just don't like to hurt anyone, not a single soul. Or rather I hate the feeling you get when you hurt or fight with someone, even if they're strangers. What do you expect from a person who cried everytime when there's a sappy scene comes on the screen?

And don't even start talking about politics. 

I don't understand them.

And I think I never will.