Sunday, May 31, 2009

I thought I knew

Current mood: I'm fine, just a little tired
Current music: "I wanna live again, I wanna start everything over again"
Current location: In my room

Once upon a time, I really like a boy. Turns out, I don't need a boy, what I need is a man. Once upon a time, I thought I was in love and I thought that he was the one. But he's just another boy it seems as he never thought of me as the one for him. Once upon a time, I used to believe that I could achieve something more in life, just as long as I try. But the more I believe, the more reality starts to sink in that no matter how much you try, it's never ever going to be enough. What you need is not to try, but to do. Once upon a time, I was happy. I was very happy and living my life as if there was no tomorrow. No worries, no issues, no complication and no pressure that can bring your life upside down. But I grew up or at least growing older and you know how that feels. Once upon a time, time is a foreign and an unimportant subject. Now, it's the only thing that separates life from death. We are alive because we got time. Once upon a time, I used to dream all the time, now the only time I'm allowed to dream is when I'm asleep. That is if I'm able to sleep. Life isn't always wonderful and sometimes doesn't even need any figuring out. It's like a neverending puzzle or nightmare but they tend to figure themselves out on its own in the end. Like a math equation, they always balanced each other out. Ok, I'm not trying to talk about math here, just something to think about.

I've been lazy, and just loitering around my house doing nothing which lowered the drama in my life to the minimum. I tried to enjoy my freedom as much as possible because once I get out of here, I have no idea when I can be a lazy ass again. So far, my laziness doesn't make me feel too good as I gain some weight by not moving around a lot but it's fine. I'll live.

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