Faith

Currently listening to:  Something's wrong, something's wrong, when it all remains the same. So  face the fire, come into your name.

There was a fire today in Sibu. It hit one of Sibu's oldest, original kampung melayu Sarawak. I was very sad about it. I may not be one of the residence but I always pass by the area that it would seem strange not being able to see it as it is. As if something is missing, not whole like it was supposed to. I hope that the people will lend help because they do really need it. I wish I could help too though. But wishing alone is not enough. I don't know what to do except saying my prayers on those affected by this tragedy. Be strong.

By the way, I will be finishing up my studies hopefully by this week. Tomorrow I will sit for my very last final exam paper ever. This is it... all of what I've been struggling for will end tomorrow. All that's left is for me to wait for my thesis to be approved and bind it for good. For good...

But, what will I be after this? That question has been bothering me a lot for the past couple of months. Honestly, I don't know. I really don't know. 

...

All I know is that I wanna close this chapter of my life with nothing but pleasant thoughts and feelings. All the people I've met and learned to love, hopefully will remember me as I remembered them. 

I could literally break down and cry while typing all these words. Please excuse me. 

For good.

This time it's for good...

"The boy has gone, let's grieve and let him go.
He left at dawn, but it's a new day don't you know?"

A new journey awaits...
In shaa Allah.
Have faith Nora dear.
His plan is always the best.

Better be quiet now... or not?

Currently... : contemplating on, a bunch of stuff.  

Currently listening to: But I better be quiet now, I'm tired of wasting my breath... Carrying on and getting upset.


Life is funny. And weird. And overbearingly hard. And sad. And fast. And...

YES! Life is anything you ought it to be I guess. And mine was just as awful or beautiful as yours. I said life is funny because, sometimes you get what you don't want, don't deserve or something that you don't need. But throughout all of that, somehow some way, it turns out that all of those that you thought you don't want, deserve or need are actually given to you by the universe because, well because you do need them, and you do want and deserve them, in a way that is hard to explain. I'm not sure if any of you readers are getting it, but I leave it to you to interpret it. 

Everyone has their own story to tell, and that's probably why I don't really tell my story to others a lot. I'd rather listen to others and trying to focus on their stories instead. I used to feel as if my story doesn't matter much and I try to keep it to myself so I don't care if people doesn't wanna know about me at all. But it's tough. In a sense that after quite some time of this 'abandonment' of your own feelings and thoughts, you feel a bit lonely when nobody cares and tries to understand you back, only because you are so used to being the one who cares. Yea, I don't talk much about myself. And people don't really bother to know about me too.

Putting all of those aside, I am so relieved that I get to overcome a what I would describe as one of the biggest setback I've ever face during my uni life ever. All thanks to a friend of mine. I believe that I could never tell it in a way that you could also feel what we felt. I'm just glad she was there and it's alright now. You have no idea how much I've cried over it. To cut the story short, I was gonna have to extend my study just because of this one subject that the both of us failed to register. After much deliberation, at last we've managed to settled it. And I'm forever grateful to everyone who has helped us. Thank you.

Talking about extending studies, I'm no stranger to it. Although I've never been extending anything during studying per se, I did however took two years break before I continue my degree. Please note that I don't actually have to tell you about this, but sometimes I do wanna explain myself.

I was suppose to continue my degree right after I finish my diploma. But halfway through it, I got sick. I got really sick and I almost didn't finish my diploma as well. But I hang on and I was able to graduate after all. It took me two years to heal, and I am still not quite fully recover from it, no, I guess not even now. I still have it and I am certain that I could never recover, and be normal. Even the doctors said that there is no cure. Don't worry, I've accepted it as my fate and maybe it's a story that I shall tell you another day. Yes. Appreciate your health guys. Don't take it for granted.

What I'm trying to say is, stories are important. It exists because we are living it. Life is in a way, stories, narrated by ourselves. Who you choose to tell it to is up to you. But know that, sometimes it is nice to have someone asking you, 'Are you ok?' and 'How do you feel?' once in a while. So try to care a bit. Trust me, they will appreciate it.

Hark!

Current location: ...somewhere... over the rainbow!

Current music: "I'd love this world before it implodes"

You know what? I just realized that if I'm an activist, I would be a very bad one. A very very very bad one. That's because I can't be adamant. I simply can't. I listen to reason. I never take sides. And sometimes, I have poor judgment. Concerning issues regarding a lot of things, I am almost always on the fence. Maybe it's fear, or maybe it's ignorance, naivety, call it whatever. To be honest, I just don't like to hurt anyone, not a single soul. Or rather I hate the feeling you get when you hurt or fight with someone, even if they're strangers. What do you expect from a person who cried everytime when there's a sappy scene comes on the screen?

And don't even start talking about politics. 

I don't understand them.

And I think I never will.  


 

2013, here I come!

Salam!

So I just wanna say something real quick. Since this will be my last post for this year, I kinda feel obligated to recap how I feel about 2012. All in all 2012 has been a very successful year to me. I've experienced a lot of good things, doing some new stuffs and also met many wonderful people. I'm not gonna say that it's all sunshine and peachy, but the important thing to do is remembering and treasure the memories that's beautiful and lock it somewhere in my brain (or heart, whichever). All those bad stuff, let it remain forever in the dumpster (of your heart? I'm not even sure where that is...)

Okay, having said that I really wanna wish all of you beautiful people a wondrous and a marvelous 2013! I can't wait what's in store for me next year, and I'm not gonna say the all ever favorite lines of 'Please be kind/good to me'. Although it wouldn't be so bad if it is so. Keep on prospering and never stop dreaming! I'm gonna end this post with this sort of sad tune from The Action Design titled 'Could, Not Should'. And see ya soon!

p/s I don't have a new year's resolution yet. In fact I think I've never set any new year's goal since like countless years ago. And hey, it's fine! I'm still alive, am I not? ;)

Oh and here's another video. About some lonely girl desperately trying to ask for attention, and unfortunately FAIL! She shucks!

Siboh Kitak Nangis deng!

I've made a video, because I'm awesome!

(Actually because I have nothing better to do...)

Siboh kitak nangis ukulele cover, originally by Zee Avi.

It is a nice song, and I like it very much.

Sigh...

As I sit here, wallowing about in self pity on how incredibly unlucky I get sometimes, I can't help but wonder have I been making the right choice? I don't know what to say! It's tough to be an introvert. Sigh...

I'm suppose to be at a gathering, watching Zee Avi perform and just having a good time albeit alone. But instead I'm stuck here at home writing a blog that no one would probably ever read. Sigh...

Sigh...
Sigh...

I don't even care to ask WHY. That's how pitiful I am. Damn!

Poetry

Let me be patient let me be kind

Make me unselfish without being blind

Though I may suffer I'll envy it not

And endure what comes

Cause he's all that I got and

tell him...

Tell him I need him

Tell him I love him

And it'll be alright

Telll him be alright be alright

Tell him tell him I need him

Tell him I love him

It'll be alright

Now I may have faith to make mountains fall

But if I lack love then I am nothin' at all

I can give away everything I possess

But am without love then I have no happiness

I know I'm imperfect 

& not without sin 

But now that I'm older all childish things end

and tell him...

I'll never be jealous

And I won't be too proud

Cause love is not boastful

Oooh and love is not loud

Tell him I need him

Tell him I love him

Everything's gonna be alright

Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth

But if I speak wrong then what is it worth?

See what we now know is nothing compared

to the love that was shown when our lives were spared

and tell him...

Tell him I need him

Tell him I love him

And it'll be alright

Telll him be allright be alright

Tell him tell him I need him

Tell him I love him

It'll be alright

- Tell Him by Lauryn Hill

Set Phasers to Fun

I'm feeling bored today. So guess what I did? I picked up the guitar, and... Wham bam! Song covers!! It felt like centuries ago since I played on a guitar and I'm getting worst and worst at it. Oh well. But putting that aside, I'm not doing just one, but TWO songs this time... I'm REALLY bored you know. Oh and I hope you don't mind the background noises. Although I think that it just sort of enhanced the songs quite a bit cause for some reason, it blends in so well. I had fun doing this and hope you guys can enjoy. 

Ho Hey cover


Skinny Love cover

Phone Fable

Current location: Cheras
Current music: 'Waiting in the car, waiting for a ride in the dark'

I just got a new phone last month and I love it so far. Though it might not be the coolest/fastest/newest phone around, I still think that it's awesome for this little device to do so much. I had no idea how it feels like to own a smartphone before and now that I do, it's kinda hard to be separated from it. 

I still remember my first phone ever quite vividly. It's a Motorola, one of the c-series. But I don't remember which model exactly, most probably the c300. This phone has got to be one of the toughest phone ever, next to Nokia 3310. Which is funny because at the time my roommate own a 3310. It's much simpler in those days, where as long as it can send and receive calls or sms's then it's a great phone. Oh, and remember when you used to change the covers or 'housing'? Or how you used to 'compose' your own ringtones using numbers and alphabet? 

Motorola C300

Then a couple of years after that I got myself a new phone, also a Motorola. For almost 5 years, this is the phone that became my closest companion. We've gone through so much together, thick and thin that it almost brings tears to my eyes! I love it a lot. But the battery keep on dying so fast and I had no choice but to replace it. It's sad...

Motorola E398

After that, I got a gift from my brother who just got back from working in China. It's a Samsung this time but I only used it for a short period of time due to malfunctioned charging port. No charging port means no battery :(

I had to switch back to E398, which is fine.

Samsung Katalyst

I had to replace my Motorola temporarily with my dad's phone because the battery really worn out after some time. I am never really keen with Nokia at all before because I don't like the UI. Had no choice but to use it for school and stuff. This is the thinnest phone that I've used so far.

Nokia 2630

I've used the Nokia for almost a year when the 'accident' happened. My phone got hit by a car. Yes, I'm not kidding and it's not funny. I was walking when I saw a friend of mine and tried to wave when suddenly the phone just slipped (or rather flew) from my hand and fell on the pavement road and the next thing I knew, a car just hit it right in the middle. It happened so fast I don't even know what to say. Worst. Moment. Ever. Then I bought a new phone (right during my recession I must add), a Nokia C3. I have nothing but good things to say about this phone. It served me well. My first phone with a full qwerty keyboard by the way.

Nokia C3-00

My current phone, Sony Xperia Neo L. My history with this phone is still unwritten so we'll see how it will go I guess. But I'm planning to have a long and good one with it! 

Me phone!

So there it goes! My phone fable... By the way, what's your favorite phone?

Matters of the heart

Current music: 'It takes a thought to make a word, And it takes some words to make an action'

There are a couple of things that I find it hard to deal with in this life. One is Math. And the other one is stuff that’s related to the heart. However I can handle the toughest math question in the world and still be calm as a zen priest afterward, but I can’t say the same to the other. Why is it so? It’s a scary topic for me because I've had bad experience before. Still I had to at least explain something. So I like this one guy and I’ve tried really, really super hard not to harbor any feelings toward him but in the end I lost! I can’t deny my feelings at all. Whenever he’s near me my heart would beat faster than the speed of light. It’s been a long time since I felt this way about somebody and I’m glad that I’m normal for the most part. I even made a mixtape/mix cd? and  gave it to him (via a mutual friend of course because I’m a wuss). I guess he was embarrassed by it because he didn’t say anything or give any kind of response so I might not know how he feels about me ever. Sad, but at the same time I find it to be relieving.

What I don’t understand is that, why him? O heart, why him? He lived so far away from where I am and it’s so frustrating.

What makes him so special?

I don’t really know the answer to that. It’s weird. My heart is weird. :\

I don’t really know him that well but I did hear stories about him from my friend.

Maybe I like him because he’s kind? Soft spoken? (I like his voice btw). Charming? CUTE??

Or maybe all of the above. Oh I feel like such a fangirl right now.

What my friend said...

He’s quite popular among the ladies I must say and very sought after by girls there. I never stood a chance. However, it’s really satisfying to finally let it all out in the open. At least he now knows how I feel and I don’t regret it. This tragedy (at least I think it was a tragedy) has awaken something that I’ve never realized before deep inside and that is, I HAVE to be happy. While I still have the chance. Be happy. Just be happy.

Be happy while I still can.

That guy now have my heart in his very hand at his disposal and he probably won’t give it back to me. But I don’t blame him. He can do anything with it, stomp on it, eat it, keep it, or hang it I don’t really mind one bit. I just hope that he would remember me for a long long time. Please God, let me stay in his memories at least for awhile more.

…

And now I’m hungry :(