Dear future husband

Current location: Cheras
Current music: 

You complete my fate
The world unwinds inside of me
You complete my fate
The halo crawls away

Salam!

I wanna talk about marriage. I don't know why I just want to ramble about it. Maybe because of the weather. Nah, it's just me. Well, I was just wondering what marriage feels like? I would like to mention here that I'm a very private girl and there's a fat chance that I won't be married to anyone, anytime soon. I don't like people messing with my personal space. Yeah, it's me. I have a very serious problem and nobody can treat it, not even myself. Ok, so back to the topic, what does it feel like to be married?

Let's think about it for a minute, you have to be with that person for your whole life. There will be no secret between you and your spouse, not forgetting all the work you have to do in order to make sure that your married life wouldn't fall apart, and it can be a little annoying sometimes, don't you think? Maybe love is a good enough reason to be together forever but I just can't imagine me, living with some guy. I would go crazy, like seriously.

Take my mom, for example. Sometimes I know that she cannot stand my father. They always argue about a lot of things, most of it is just too trivial to even matter. I think 30+ years of living together can do that to you.

So what is my point here? Hmm, I sure as hell don't know myself. 

But I did said this to myself a long time ago. If I ever going to get married, the guy would have to be Japanese. Again, I don't know why. I kinda just thought about it on the spur of the moment. Meaning that I won't find my future husband, ever.

...

I know I've been neglecting this blog for quite some time now, and I admit since my life is so hectic and it's getting tougher and tougher to keep up with everything. Sorry folks. But despite what it seems, I would never abandon this blog all of a sudden without telling anything first. So thank you for your visit and hope that you'll have a nice day! 

A Confession

Currrent music: 

Some things in life may change,

But some things they stay the same,

Like time, there's always time,

On my mind

So pass me by, I'll be fine.

To the most dearest person in my life, my mom.

I don’t have delicate hands. I can’t cook like you do, I can’t fix things like you do, nor do I seem to inherit your abilities to do almost anything. I’ve always been a wild child, refusing to do every single thing that you want me to do. Thank Allah that I did at least listened to you when you told me to go to school. You told me a lot of things really. How you wish you could finish your education, in order to have a better life. How you wish you could give us the best of the best of everything in life. But I never feel that you have failed us. Sure I get angry at you now and then but I’m only  human so that’s probably normal right? If anything, it’s us that have failed as your children.

I love you mom. And I think that she knows that too. I love you mom and I’ve always find solace in you when I needed something to remind me that life is not so bad. You are my anchor, my guiding star. Your laughter is like medicine to my soul. Your smile is the most brightest thing in my world. Even brighter than sunshine. I love you mom. And I would die for you in a heartbeat.

And it pained me deeply to see those shine in your eyes slowly diminishes with the passing of time. I can’t replace your bones nor can’t I give you my energy and I really  wish that I could. Mom, there are no words to describe your love. I will try, and one day I really wish I could repay you back for all that you’ve given me. Even though my hands aren’t delicate enough. I’ll try.

My life so far

Currently... : drained, desperately trying to sleep

Current location: somewhere on Borneo Island

Current music: the sound of heavy downpours outside, it's like music to my ears

Since I was little, I used to be told that it's important to know what you want to do in life, to have a goal and try to make it when you grow up. Now I'm all grown up (at least I think I did), I still don't know what I want to be or do. Is that bad? It's not that I don't have a dream or anything like that. I actually do, but at this point I don't think that it's realistic to go for that dream knowing that I won't ever reach it even if I'm giving my 1000% effort. There must be something else for me out there, it's just that I don't know it yet. It's such a headache, trying to figure out what your true calling in life, isn't it?

Well, I said this many times before but I'm gonna say it again just for the sake of it, NO ONE will ever know how the future will turn out, not even if you're the best witch doctor / scientist / alien? in the whole universe. And until then, I'm just gonna try my best to search for that purpose that I was meant to do in this life. You can say that I'm still stuck at the crossroads of my life, and I'm trying very hard to find a good gps store to help me finding my destination (which in a way makes very little to no sense at all since a gps can't really tell me where I want to go unless I point it to them... sigh) So wish the best for me guys!

Have you heard? American Gods going to be made into a series soon! Yay!! I love that book. Thanks to Tom Hanks production company, HBO is going to bring this fantastic book to live on the television for 6 seasons. I'm truly excited guys. 

Woke Up

Currently...: gloating! I just made a delicious dinner for myself... from scratch. 

Current location: my bro's house

Current music:        Strangelove, strange highs and strange lows

                                            Strangelove, That's how my love goes

I woke up today and I feel like sh*t. I don't know, it's just one of those days, you know. Days when you think you've had enough and want to just get away from everything and clear your mind. I have a lot on my mind right now and I just wish that I could just like... I don't know...make 'em all disappear I guess. It's hard to be me, but I don't want to mess it, my life, myself I mean. It's hard but I got to. And I'm supposed to be studying right now since it's the study week and my finals going to start next week. But instead I wrote this blog. What the f is happening to me??? Maybe I missed my family a lot. Yeah, blame anything but myself right? aha! It's gonna be one tough finals this semester. But no motivation to start studying yet. Hopefully my mood will be back to normal by tomorrow. Or else I'm dead meat.

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that last Halloween, I turned 24. I had a great birthday dinner thanks to my brother and his wife and we also had a lovely time but everything was ruined by watching movie at the Curve Cathay Cineplexes. I warned you, don't watch a late night show there. Since I'm the birthday girl so I get to choose what movie we're gonna watch, so I picked Takers. The movie was alright but not that great. The only great thing about it is my Hayden frickin' Christensen. I said cathay cineplexes sucks because halfway through the movie, the screen turned white without any explanation. Ok, so they fixed it after a while. But not long after that, just right when the plot thickens and I was absorbing on the movie, suddenly the sound gone AWOL. What the f, right? A lot of peeps left after that but we stayed because I wanted to see the ending. We were tempted to get the refund as well but our one and a half hour would be wasted for nothing so we stayed. They re-winded the film and all so it was alright I guess. My mood didn't get any better though, since they killed off Hayden's character =:(

But I can always see this video... hehe:

Awww... Hayden is so... I don't know, bodyguard-ish?? But still cute as ever!
Aside from that, I'm happy to announce that I'm a proud owner of a copy of Neil Gaiman's American Gods, after looking for it for almost 2 years now. Currently reading it and loving every pages so far. A perfect birthday gift for myself.

A great read is what it is!

This is dumb

Currently... : I'm reading claymore 102

Current location: somewhere between Thailand and the South China Sea...go figure

Current music: Out of sight, out of mind, out of reach, start over... is no way to begin...

It's 3.16 am right now, and I have class at 8 am...gasp! Why do I stay up so late??? I don't know the answer to that myself... maybe I'm just dumb... I don't know... I'm tired.

So today, I just realize something. We have a motivational speak by one of our dear lecturer and one of the motivation speaker or trainee said something that struck me pretty deep... every moment we faced with a choice. It's either we take it or we don't... but every choice is MY choice...get it? It's like every wrong turns or bad decisions or if we find ourselves in a bad situations, sometimes we blame other people and make up lots of excuses unaware that actually there is no one else to blame but ourselves. So why do I study? That's one of the question that he asked us. What's the purpose to go to university and be a student? It's a simple question but try answering that yourself... Why and for what purpose did you DECIDED to do the things you do.

I'm not exceptionally clever or anything like that, in fact far from it. I'm humble because of it, so I would like to say that I do regret some of the past decision that I take earlier in life, and I have no one to blame but me. I should have and could have done much much better if only I realized it sooner then. But, I can't regret what I can't see in the future...it is my decision so I better go with it and do my best. Yes, it's going to be a thorny road where I'm going, yes, I might be lost somewhere along the line and yes, I don't know whether I can stay on-board the ship and reach my destination safely or not...but I do know that every single thing in my life is due to MY choice, and no one else...

So I've gotta stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for myself and stop being miserable just because things don't go my way because I'll never be who I wanted to be if I keep doing all that, and I want to be a great person, insyaAllah...

This is dumb, and I said dumb twice already, and I'm ranting and no one cares anyway. So, I'm signing off! Later!